Your Engagement Ring might be a Shut-Up Ring if…

Your engagement ring might be a shut up ring if…

Comedian Jeff Foxworthy is known for his “You might be a redneck” quotes:

“You just might be a redneck if … (fill in the blank)

…you’ve ever financed a tattoo.

…you’ve ever made change in the offering plate.

…you think the stock market has a fence around it.

You get the drift.

Well, your engagement ring might be a “shut-up ring”…

if it isn’t presented by a guy who actually intends to walk down the aisle with you.

(Another reason why I’m not a fan of women doing the proposing. Sure, he could say yes, but not really want to in his heart.)

I came across an article on Essence.com where a young lady was asking Dr. Sherry (therapist to the Braxton sisters) for advice. Her boyfriend of 7 years proposed to her 2 years ago but still deflects any talk about actually getting married. Actually, worse than that… he’s turning it around on her, accusing her of being demanding because she’s already got a $4000 ring. Isn’t that enough?

Plus, he’s asking her to chip in on repairs of HIS house, because she lives there. Along with their daughter. Since when did an engagement ring become the end goal?

Since when did an engagement ring become the end goal?

See, she was under the impression that getting engaged meant marriage was in their future. Crazy, right? But if there’s one thing I learned from reality TV, it’s that engagement rings don’t necessarily mean you’re heading down the aisle anytime soon.

As I write in “Dating on Purpose”:

Thanks to reality TV shows like Basketball Wives, there’s another item we’ve seen used successfully to pacify women: a gorgeous ring. It looks just like an engagement ring except that its purpose is to buy time and space, not to move forward with a wedding. There’s no firm wedding timeline or hall deposit involved. Although this seems to be more prevalent in upper income brackets, non-millionaires have been known to buy scaled down versions and present them as “promise” rings.

If you’re marriage-minded, don’t let this happen to you. Couples who want a future together have to be on the same page about it: Is this job opportunity worth moving for? Do we want kids? And now, if you accept your boyfriend’s proposal, add to that: “When should we get married?” It’s the most natural thing in the world to talk about while gazing adoringly at your new ring:)

Here’s what “Dating on Purpose” recommends when you do get engaged:

It’s time to sit down and speak to each other about your shared future.

You don’t have to pick a date, but if this is to be taken seriously, the two of you must be able to arrive at a rough idea of when it will happen…at least a year and season. If a year from now you are not engaged with a firm wedding date, quite frankly, you may never be, no matter how much he loves you.

P.S. The only thing that means impending marriage is an engagement ring and mutual agreement on a rough wedding timeline.

So what do you think? Have you heard of guys proposing just to take the pressure off?